The Fashion Police Department is an international organization designed to stop and punish the perpetrators of crimes against fashion. Every year, thousands of people are affected by poor fashion choices, and many don’t even know about it. With the help of community leaders and government officials, the Fashion Police work hard everyday to stop the spread of maliciously unfashionable activity.
Laws of Fashion
Fashion Police are known to be fair and courteous individuals, and we follow a strict guidebook. The guidebook contains the basic laws of fashion:
- No article of clothing covering the torso of the upper body which has a collar about the neck hole may be buttoned, zipped, laced, or otherwise closed in such a way as to cause the non-overhanging portions of the neck collar to become completely joined to each other along the entire length of the non-overhanging section of the collar, unless the portions of the non-overhanging collar which should be so conjoined are duly covered with a tie, bow-tie, scarf, or other similar neck-wear. That is, omni-buttoning, the act of buttoning or zipping a collared shirt all the way up without a tie or scarf, is prohibited.
These rules are updated frequently to accommodate new trends. Nevertheless, the populace must follow these rules at all times, making sure not to break them. If they do, they will face consequences from the Fashion Police.
Many people criticize the Fashion Police for not having more extensive rules. It is important to note that the purpose of the Fashion Police is not to push the upper bounds of fashion, but rather to pull up the rear end. The Laws of Fashion are designed to prohibit only the worst offenders of sensibility.
Limitations
Until the Fashion Police Act of 3498 is enacted, the FPD’s power is limited by the scope of current federal, state, and local laws. However, strongly worded warnings may be issued at any time to any member of the public that is caught breaking the guidebook. It is also important to note that if you are arrested by the Fashion Police, you have certain rights. All Fashion Police Officers must give the following notification of rights upon arrest required by the Fashion Supreme Court case Milanda v. Alizona:
You have the right to remain fashionable. If you choose to give up this right, anything you wear can and will be used against you in a court of fashion. You do not have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will not be provided for you. Do you understand the rights I have just read to you, you horribly dressed bum?
Milanda warning
The Milanda warning is extremely integral in fulfilling the principles of the Fashion Police; anyone who is arrested must understand their rights so that they can receive due process.
Leadership
The Commissioner and founder of the Fashion Police is Gabriel Classon.